Et, ALORS!

I think I mentioned before how comfortable my bed is.  But really, this bed is amazing.  I've never in my entire life slept as soundly and deeply as I do here.  Plus, I have these amazing blinds that go down automatically with a push of a button; they drown out all the light.  On the weekends, I have the hardest time waking up.  Sometimes, I put an alarm on just to wake up before 2:00 in the afternoon. 

This morning, while slumbering peacefully, my phone started to vibrate.  At 7 in the morning, I don't usually receive phone calls.  It was from the FranceTelecom operator telling me that someone would be at my apartment in 30 minutes to set up my telephone and television.  I was contemplating whether I should tell him not to come until my scheduled appointment (noon); but, over here, if opportunity to get something finished quicker than anticipated comes your way, you take it.  Otherwise, it may be lost forever.  

So, I jumped out of bed, got ready, made my bed, cleaned a little here and there and waited. 

The man who came, Christian, was VERY French.  The first thing he checked was to make sure the computer was working; my internet page was actually already opened to Facebook.  He started to laugh and asked me what it was, this Facebook.  I told him, in my broken French, that it was a place where friends could share pictures, notes, and keep in touch.  He told me he had a cousin living somewhere in the US.  The West, he thought.

That's nice.  

Maybe Arizona, maybe California.  "Ollleywoood, tu connais?" 

Oh, yeah, Hollywood.  Mhm, yeah, I've heard of it.  

So, he asked me to try to find his cousin on Facebook.  

What's her name?

Rebecca Nicholson.  

As I was re-logging onto Facebook, he started to tell me how amazing and cool it would be if he found her.  

She must have two children by now.  Maybe three.  I wonder what they look like.  I visited Arizona once before, did you know?  Yes, Flagstaff.  You know it?  

Yeah, I know it.  

137 results found for Rebecca Nicholson.  

Yeah, I'm really sorry, but there are a lot of Rebecca Nicholson's out there.  

Ah, merde, is there any other way I could find her?  Could you show me how?  

Welllll, considering the fact that I paid 49 Euro for you to come and fix my television, and its 7:30 in the morning, maybe not today.  

Only I didn't actually say that.  I looked at him, smiled, and told him, well maybe if you knew exactly where she lived.........I think he got my point.  

So then he started to fix my television.  Apparently the password they had given me was incorrect, so he had to call the store to get the real one.  The conversation with his employee went a little something like this:

Alo baba, oui it's Christian.  How are all the female colleagues doing? 

To me: He's moroccan, you know.  We all call him baba.  It's a joke.  The girls are a joke too, you know.  We have a lot of females working with us.  It's nice, you know.

I'm sure. 

To baba:  Ok, thanks for the password.  Hey, what are you doing tonight?  You're not busy?  Ok, well then do you want to go out?  Well, you know, I work every day during the week, saturday nights are the only night I have off.  Lets go out.  Great, sounds good.  Tell all of your female colleagues.  

So we fixed the television.  First he showed me how many channels there were.  I have a lot.  I have all the French channels, some Polish ones, BBC, CNN, Al-Jazeera.  

I made a comment about how I thought it was cool that I had Al-Jazeera.

He frowned: There are a lot of Arabs here, you know.  It's a problem.  It's a really big problem.  They come into our country, have a lot of children, and take all of our money.  I don't think they should be allowed in.  Hey, just between the two of us, I'm really not happy with the situation. 

Uhhh, yeah, yeah. 

No, just between the two of us, I think they should try to handle how many people come into our country, because right now its just not right.  What about in the US? 

Well, it's different there.  PLEASE JUST LEAVE CRAZY MAN 

Yeah, it's different?  The elections?  Who's going to win?

I don't know, it's pretty close.

Yeah, I can't believe they've chosen a black man though.  Just between the two of us, I think it's going to be just like Kennedy.  

And then he started to pretend he was shooting a gun. 

I kind of looked at him for a second thinking he was kidding, but it was just like something out of a movie.  He kept saying, "Just like Kennedy, just like Kennedy," and then pointing and making shooting noises.  

I was dealing with a crazy person I needed to get out of my apartment immediately.

So then I changed the subject to the television again, thanked him for fixing it for me, and he was like, alright, well good, everything works, have a good day.  But then the TV program caught his eye and he sat back down and started to watch TV.

Huh?  I was just so confused.  I thought he was going to leave!  He shook my hand! WHY WAS HE SITTING DOWN!? 

It was a tennis match between Serena Williams and someone else.  After a couple minutes of him watching TV and me watching him watching TV, he got up and scowled as he said, "Women are not supposed to look like that.  Why is she so BIG?  She's like a monster."  

And then he shook my hand and left.  

I sat on my bed for a little, and then decided to go back to sleep in my comfortable bed and pretend that it was all a dream.